Posted on by Julie Deziel · 2 Comments

A Job Well Done

My grandfather Lonny, was a farmer for many years of his life. They had many cows that they milked and tended. They put up hay, grew and combined corn and wheat. His wife cooked for her family and farmhands. His two children did the normal chores about the farm. He has seen a change from horse and 2 bottom plow to large combines in his years. When they sold the farm he become a salesman for numerous companies but his most coveted was as a Culligan Salesman having won numerous sales awards for the company. He was awarded “World’s Greatest Salesman” through them numerous times. Later in life he worked as a senior companion visiting those that were alone or needed time out of the house, he absolutely loved that job. He had to give that job up when he no longer could drive. It broke his heart to say goodbye to his clients who became his friends. He then became a receiver in the program and treasured two of his companions-Merle and Doug. He would tell anyone who he would visit to never complain about work because “one day you won’t be able to and you will wish you could.” He would say if he had his driver’s license he would still be taking the elderly out or simply enjoying a cup of coffee with them.

This man had a memory that was spot on. He was a historian of not only his life but so many other lives. It was always a treat to sit and listen to his stories. As he lay in his bed at the nursing home that became home for the last three months wondering if his days were dwindling he recounted so many aspects of his life. Four days before he died was laying in the hospital he was able to mouth all the words of the Gettysburg Address while I read it to him and then recite out loud a Longfellow poem “A Village Blacksmith” that he learned in 7th grade.

As he had a sudden illness on Tuesday he had to make a decision in his care. He spoke with his doctor and myself and being of sound, EXTREMELY sound mind he chose to do nothing and move towards comfort care knowing that he may only have hours. He had goals, plans, and recipes to cook in the very near future. He was hoping to move to assisted living from the nursing home in February. He had a new blanket he was saving for when he went home, be it his own home or assisted living. Simply, there were many things ahead for the soon-to-be 100-year-old man.

How does anyone take in the words that life will soon be over for them and move forward to acceptance? As the granddaughter to watch the struggle I must say was simply heartbreaking. I needed him to be at peace. I needed him to be comfortable. I needed him to feel loved. He set the pace, the tone, and the rules. He had total charge of his death as he did his whole life. What an incredible honor of be able to give him that. So in his time we reminisced and he put his affairs all in order. We planned how to carry out his wishes after death. We cried a lot about what was to come and most importantly we laughed. I heard stories I never heard before. I saw spark in his eyes when he talked about my grandmother and dancing with her. He was sorry he would not celebrate his 100th birthday on February 21st but looked forward to celebrating with his wife and friends but more than anything he was waiting for Mary, his daughter, to come get him. He knew she would come.

While I waited from Tuesday morning for him on his terms to leave this earth to join Mary to walk into eternity I stayed by his side. He asked to never be alone. He was always there for me in my life and I would honor him at the end of his by sitting and holding his hand, talking in his ear, playing country music in his ear, or rubbing his legs until he took his last quiet breath holding a can a beer the staff had placed for him just the way he wanted. I walked him outside with the funeral home at 0115 into the crisp air wishing I could wrap him in his coat where 6 days prior him and I walked out to the car to go on an outing and he pulled his coat a little tighter around him in the cold. I was sad for me, oh so sad, but I was so happy for him. He had completed his job and made it home with his new blanket and seeing all those that loved him immensely and the one person he truly was excited to see again was his mother who he had not seen for 95 years. He did it. He did it his way, in his time, his way and very peaceful. Job well done.

So, Boppy through all your hard work and losses you had in life, the times of loneliness, the times of joy and laughter and through the last 5 days of your most wonderful life and as I promised you “I am happy for you”, “I will not forget your memories” and “We will be okay” I will live your rule in life…just have to take it as it comes.

Alonzo Benbo 2/21/1920 – 2/8/2020 Until I see you again. Dolly

Posted on by Julie Deziel · 1 Comment

Nothing New Around Here

“Nothing new around here” are the words I heard today with a stop at the nursing home. I stopped with a few things my grandfather enjoys and to hear how his weekend had been. “Pretty quiet” and “I napped a lot” were the most descriptive he could find for me. It was not the most upbeat visit we had since he entered the home a few weeks ago.

My grandfather will be 100 years old towards the end of February. He has been a widower since 1988 and until the beginning of November has lived on his own in his own home. There have been health scares and struggles through the years but he has always battled back. Through it all though his mind has remained sharp as a tack. As a friend recently reflected, “Don’t tell Lonny anything you don’t want anyone to know as he will remember it forever.” Well it is true. He remembers more than I do.

His goal in life has been to live to be 100. Four to six weeks ago though he became ill and in his mind gave up on that goal and simply wanted to go home and die. We as a family looked at options for him to fulfill his dream of being in his own home and seeing family and allowing him to feel peace whenever his wife and daughter who wait for him on the other side would take his hand home. There came a point when he had to take an ambulance to the hospital and more skilled care was needed as his weakening body was not allowing his sharp as a tack mind that option to be in the comfort of his home.

Aiding a loved one into a “home” other than their own is a tumultuous mental and emotional journey. Besides all the paperwork that needs to be done, the physical work of moving belongings, safeguarding their home, there is the sadness of watching them lose their independence right before your eyes. The opportunity to walk to the kitchen to have a slice of bread with butter is now replaced with asking and then waiting for it to be brought to you. The normal seasoning of your food becomes cafeteria-like but you are too kind to ask for sugar as there is a diabetic sitting at the table with you so you eat it bland. The smells of home are lost to a facility laundry room.

Today the diabetic table mate will no longer be eating with my grandfather. He now eats with his loved ones who have gone on before him. Maybe my grandfather will ask for sugar or kindly accept the food the way it is cooked and say “thank you.” But for today there was nothing new going on around there. He napped a few times and waited for me to visit. He will wait for me to come on Wednesday with his mail and for his friend Doug to come and visit.

I hear you Boppy. I see you and how sad you are that you are not in your home. I am sad for you. For now though “nothing new going on around here” is keeping you safe and allowing you to gain strength everyday. Enjoy supper and I will see you Wednesday.