Posted on by Julie Deziel · 2 Comments

A Job Well Done

My grandfather Lonny, was a farmer for many years of his life. They had many cows that they milked and tended. They put up hay, grew and combined corn and wheat. His wife cooked for her family and farmhands. His two children did the normal chores about the farm. He has seen a change from horse and 2 bottom plow to large combines in his years. When they sold the farm he become a salesman for numerous companies but his most coveted was as a Culligan Salesman having won numerous sales awards for the company. He was awarded “World’s Greatest Salesman” through them numerous times. Later in life he worked as a senior companion visiting those that were alone or needed time out of the house, he absolutely loved that job. He had to give that job up when he no longer could drive. It broke his heart to say goodbye to his clients who became his friends. He then became a receiver in the program and treasured two of his companions-Merle and Doug. He would tell anyone who he would visit to never complain about work because “one day you won’t be able to and you will wish you could.” He would say if he had his driver’s license he would still be taking the elderly out or simply enjoying a cup of coffee with them.

This man had a memory that was spot on. He was a historian of not only his life but so many other lives. It was always a treat to sit and listen to his stories. As he lay in his bed at the nursing home that became home for the last three months wondering if his days were dwindling he recounted so many aspects of his life. Four days before he died was laying in the hospital he was able to mouth all the words of the Gettysburg Address while I read it to him and then recite out loud a Longfellow poem “A Village Blacksmith” that he learned in 7th grade.

As he had a sudden illness on Tuesday he had to make a decision in his care. He spoke with his doctor and myself and being of sound, EXTREMELY sound mind he chose to do nothing and move towards comfort care knowing that he may only have hours. He had goals, plans, and recipes to cook in the very near future. He was hoping to move to assisted living from the nursing home in February. He had a new blanket he was saving for when he went home, be it his own home or assisted living. Simply, there were many things ahead for the soon-to-be 100-year-old man.

How does anyone take in the words that life will soon be over for them and move forward to acceptance? As the granddaughter to watch the struggle I must say was simply heartbreaking. I needed him to be at peace. I needed him to be comfortable. I needed him to feel loved. He set the pace, the tone, and the rules. He had total charge of his death as he did his whole life. What an incredible honor of be able to give him that. So in his time we reminisced and he put his affairs all in order. We planned how to carry out his wishes after death. We cried a lot about what was to come and most importantly we laughed. I heard stories I never heard before. I saw spark in his eyes when he talked about my grandmother and dancing with her. He was sorry he would not celebrate his 100th birthday on February 21st but looked forward to celebrating with his wife and friends but more than anything he was waiting for Mary, his daughter, to come get him. He knew she would come.

While I waited from Tuesday morning for him on his terms to leave this earth to join Mary to walk into eternity I stayed by his side. He asked to never be alone. He was always there for me in my life and I would honor him at the end of his by sitting and holding his hand, talking in his ear, playing country music in his ear, or rubbing his legs until he took his last quiet breath holding a can a beer the staff had placed for him just the way he wanted. I walked him outside with the funeral home at 0115 into the crisp air wishing I could wrap him in his coat where 6 days prior him and I walked out to the car to go on an outing and he pulled his coat a little tighter around him in the cold. I was sad for me, oh so sad, but I was so happy for him. He had completed his job and made it home with his new blanket and seeing all those that loved him immensely and the one person he truly was excited to see again was his mother who he had not seen for 95 years. He did it. He did it his way, in his time, his way and very peaceful. Job well done.

So, Boppy through all your hard work and losses you had in life, the times of loneliness, the times of joy and laughter and through the last 5 days of your most wonderful life and as I promised you “I am happy for you”, “I will not forget your memories” and “We will be okay” I will live your rule in life…just have to take it as it comes.

Alonzo Benbo 2/21/1920 – 2/8/2020 Until I see you again. Dolly

Posted on by Julie Deziel · 1 Comment

Hold On and Hold Fast

I took a look at my hands the other day and realized the age in them.  They look similar to what I remember my moms looked like.  The suppleness is starting to disappear. Elasticity has waned.  Fine lines have settled in.  I have been blessed not to have arthritis within the joints but after a long shift within the 911 dispatch center they are tired.  My hands have loved 4 beautiful children and welcomed 11 grandchildren into the world and held them so close and whispered into their ears how very much they are loved.  I have played many years of piano and led many worship services on the organ.  I have played beautiful songs on the flute and am slowly teaching myself violin.  I have stirred, whipped, beat, rolled out many dinners and desserts for my cherished Christmas gatherings.  My hands held my mother’s hand as prepared for her quiet and graceful journey to heaven. I have wiped many tears away in times of sadness but also in times of pure joy.  My hands have served me well. 

It is not uncommon as a mother to take hold of their youngster at a crosswalk and say, “Hold my hand.  We are crossing the road.”  The little one reaches up and takes hold of their mother’s hand and begin their walk to the other side of the road.  The little one felt safe entering the crosswalk and mom certainly wanted to enstill that concept. That is our job as a parent  from the moment of their birth until our death ensuring their safety or lessening their fears.  This is simply accomplished through the holding of them close as a baby, taking their hand as they walk into the elementary school for their first day of kindergarten or sitting beside them as they learn to drive.  As they grow we slowly let go of our tight hold and watch as they start grasping the hand of their friends and we see them skipping and running into life with a smile on our face knowing that we still hold them close within our heart.  We watch with trepidation as they embark on their first love with hands held tight with a teenage crush that will lead to that ever special first kiss and onto that first love.  

Then we as a young couple stands at the altar facing that one very special person we plan on spending the rest of our lives with we reach for each other’s hand and look lovingly into each other’s eyes and say our vows.  We place a ring on their hand that symbolizes our undying love that has no beginning and end.  The pastor raises his hand above us as a married couple and blesses us and the congregation claps their hands. As a young married couple we walk down the aisle out into the future hand in hand.  Through this ceremony alone the hands symbolize a significant amount of dedication and love.

So much is gained from a hand that is held and we can feel that nothing bad can happen but that would be living life with rose-colored glasses on.  Life lays much within our hands that must be dealt with; good and bad.  As Mercy Me sings through their song “Hold Fast”, the words resonate melodically how taking hold of our Lord’s hand and His word will aid us during those most difficult times.  They sing, “Hold fast help is on the way. Hold fast He’s come to save the day. What I’ve learned in my life, one thing greater than my strife in His grasp so hold fast.” It is difficult to turn to our loved ones when we struggle and hold on tight.  It can be during those times that we seem to let go, almost easier to let go than simply hold on tighter. 

We all need a hand to hold onto no matter what point of life we are in; a new mom bringing a new life into the world, a little child learning to skate on the new ice on a sunny winter’s day, an elderly woman facing an ovarian cancer diagnosis.  A hand offers so much to one person; friendship, peace, safety, strength and unwavering love.  Simply close your eyes as your loved one interlaces their fingers with yours or simply lays their hand on yours. Simply hold on and hold fast to the hand that may be needing the exact feeling you are receiving.