Posted on by Julie Deziel · 2 Comments

A Job Well Done

My grandfather Lonny, was a farmer for many years of his life. They had many cows that they milked and tended. They put up hay, grew and combined corn and wheat. His wife cooked for her family and farmhands. His two children did the normal chores about the farm. He has seen a change from horse and 2 bottom plow to large combines in his years. When they sold the farm he become a salesman for numerous companies but his most coveted was as a Culligan Salesman having won numerous sales awards for the company. He was awarded “World’s Greatest Salesman” through them numerous times. Later in life he worked as a senior companion visiting those that were alone or needed time out of the house, he absolutely loved that job. He had to give that job up when he no longer could drive. It broke his heart to say goodbye to his clients who became his friends. He then became a receiver in the program and treasured two of his companions-Merle and Doug. He would tell anyone who he would visit to never complain about work because “one day you won’t be able to and you will wish you could.” He would say if he had his driver’s license he would still be taking the elderly out or simply enjoying a cup of coffee with them.

This man had a memory that was spot on. He was a historian of not only his life but so many other lives. It was always a treat to sit and listen to his stories. As he lay in his bed at the nursing home that became home for the last three months wondering if his days were dwindling he recounted so many aspects of his life. Four days before he died was laying in the hospital he was able to mouth all the words of the Gettysburg Address while I read it to him and then recite out loud a Longfellow poem “A Village Blacksmith” that he learned in 7th grade.

As he had a sudden illness on Tuesday he had to make a decision in his care. He spoke with his doctor and myself and being of sound, EXTREMELY sound mind he chose to do nothing and move towards comfort care knowing that he may only have hours. He had goals, plans, and recipes to cook in the very near future. He was hoping to move to assisted living from the nursing home in February. He had a new blanket he was saving for when he went home, be it his own home or assisted living. Simply, there were many things ahead for the soon-to-be 100-year-old man.

How does anyone take in the words that life will soon be over for them and move forward to acceptance? As the granddaughter to watch the struggle I must say was simply heartbreaking. I needed him to be at peace. I needed him to be comfortable. I needed him to feel loved. He set the pace, the tone, and the rules. He had total charge of his death as he did his whole life. What an incredible honor of be able to give him that. So in his time we reminisced and he put his affairs all in order. We planned how to carry out his wishes after death. We cried a lot about what was to come and most importantly we laughed. I heard stories I never heard before. I saw spark in his eyes when he talked about my grandmother and dancing with her. He was sorry he would not celebrate his 100th birthday on February 21st but looked forward to celebrating with his wife and friends but more than anything he was waiting for Mary, his daughter, to come get him. He knew she would come.

While I waited from Tuesday morning for him on his terms to leave this earth to join Mary to walk into eternity I stayed by his side. He asked to never be alone. He was always there for me in my life and I would honor him at the end of his by sitting and holding his hand, talking in his ear, playing country music in his ear, or rubbing his legs until he took his last quiet breath holding a can a beer the staff had placed for him just the way he wanted. I walked him outside with the funeral home at 0115 into the crisp air wishing I could wrap him in his coat where 6 days prior him and I walked out to the car to go on an outing and he pulled his coat a little tighter around him in the cold. I was sad for me, oh so sad, but I was so happy for him. He had completed his job and made it home with his new blanket and seeing all those that loved him immensely and the one person he truly was excited to see again was his mother who he had not seen for 95 years. He did it. He did it his way, in his time, his way and very peaceful. Job well done.

So, Boppy through all your hard work and losses you had in life, the times of loneliness, the times of joy and laughter and through the last 5 days of your most wonderful life and as I promised you “I am happy for you”, “I will not forget your memories” and “We will be okay” I will live your rule in life…just have to take it as it comes.

Alonzo Benbo 2/21/1920 – 2/8/2020 Until I see you again. Dolly

Posted on by Julie Deziel

Until Tomorrow…


How was your day?  When the sun peeked above the horizon did it bring moans and groans that another day had to be faced; possibly work or housecleaning?  Did it bring giggles of children through the house as there was no school?  A new day is upon us and another day marked off the calendar for this year.  It is hard to believe that it is nearing the end of September and the leaves are leaving carpets of gold and red on the ground.  As the sun sets the air is more crisp.  Summer has been crossed off and a new autumn is upon us.  Was is not just spring…yesterday?

Mike, my husband, turns sixty years old in a week.  I have kidded him for awhile now that I never imagined that I would “ever be married to a man who is sixty years old.” We laugh…of course me a little more loudly than him.  It is easier to do when it is not you that is looking at that age.  I am not that far behind though so I should not laugh so hardy.  In my mind though I do not believe I am anywhere near forty, let alone over fifty.  When did this happen? How could it be that my oldest child would be four years away from forty years of age…AND I would be married to a sixty-year-old man? 

Thirty-six years ago I was rocking my oldest child thinking I had life figured out.  I can still see the way the furniture was set up in the living room.  I can see the changing table in his bedroom and how I laid out a towel on the bathroom counter to give him his baths when he was so tiny (who needed the funky bathtubs in today’s baby world). It is all so vivid.  Nine years ago my mom died…NINE years.  It was yesterday I am sure of it, or at least that is how I feel.  The weeks and days before the morning she passed are engrained into my memory which is a blessing.  The talks are cherished and I pray they are never forgotten.  The death process was extremely difficult but I feel honored to have been present for something so moving.  I remember each moment, each slow breath, each hand hold, the tearful goodbye, everything as if it was just this morning.  In a week and a half we will make a second trek to Hays, KS for dirt track racing’s Fall Nationals.  It was a year ago we accompanied Adam and watched him drive for a bigger dance for the first time and we talk about those races as if they were the ones we just went to last weekend.  

I guess time went by a little faster than I thought it would.  I do not know about others but I often rush to get to the end of my work week or anticipate next race or vacation…heck even at times can hardly wait for the next payday.  It does not take a lot of science to figure out that time does not move any faster or slower no matter what.  We lose sunlight and may make a day seem long but goodness it does not change the length of the year.  I know as I am getting close to my middle fifties all I know is I want to slow life down.  I want to slow the years of my grandchildren and keep them little and cuddly forever.  Getting driver’s license and a car, becoming a ‘tween and wearing makeup, 3rd grader having already kissed a boy…whoa!  My children are still babies right?  

So as I look to having a spouse that is sixty in a week I have to turn and look at that sunset and realize that it will bring a new day in the exact same amount of time it took the day before.  Life is moving at the same pace it always will and it is certainly acceptable to allow my brain to think it is thirty even though my body feels like it is seventh most days.  My children will one day all be in their forties rather than their thirties and I will then be in my sixties and Mike will be a week away from seventy…God willing, which now pushes me to take a little more time to look at each sunset just a little closer and take in all that each one has brought to my life…good, bad, happy, and sad. 

Until tomorrow….