Posted on by Julie Deziel

The Race Is On

It is Friday night; race night.  The line of pickups pulling open trailers and enclosed trailers, the envied high-dollar pullers are coming from all directions to the track.  The drivers are wearing their lucky t-shirt, Oakley sunglasses, and their favorite jam is blaring from the speakers as they unload in their spot in the pits.  They feel good.  Tonight is THEIR night!  “It’s race time boys.” As the cars round turn 3 coming into turn 4 the flagman drops the green flag and the race cars pick up speed racing for the front of the pack with the goal of taking the checkered flag…being #1.  For many though it is to just finish the race with an intact race car.  The race can be grueling and intense but it does bring an element of fun and for many they carry a deep love of racing onto that track and feel immense pride as they maneuver for the top spot.  After the race they all pull back into the pits and overlook the car hoping to see that little will need to be done to it for the next race, maybe complain about the rookie driver or how bad the track was and then load up and head home reflecting on how the night went.

My life seems to be synonymous with a race track. Many hours have been spent at the track but many facets fit into that of a race.  As any other child I did not have a choice when it came to how I was raised in relation to finances.  My parents had good jobs and provided well for us.  We did not though have a lot of money and I certainly did not have the best car in my class but I had a car.  I didn’t have the  best clothes but I had clothes.  I was able to do most of what I wanted as my parents trusted me and my friends.  The speed of life increased tenfold when I had children just like a green flag was dropped and there was no turning back.  No yellow flag to slow it down and take a breather; it wasfull speed ahead and I had no choice but to take the steering wheel of my life and tried my very best to hang on and not spin out.  It was intense and at times it was so incredibly grueling  and I was sure that I would simply fall off the pace but with a few pit stops I was able to stay in the race.  I may have not done my life the way others would have and certainly at times envied the neighbors and wanted to keep up with the Jones’ but found immense joy living it the way I did.

Life moves so fast and as we age it seems to move even faster.  I do not think there is a single person who hits middle age that does not say, “Where did time go?” We spend half our life racing to get to a particular age, rush to payday, anticipate our vacations, and race to our children’s games or to the grocery store.  Race, race, race.  Personally, it appears now that the fast laps of my race are over.  I have raised my children to be the best that they can be and set myself into a job that I will retire from one day.  I am now getting things ready for the next part of my life; a simpler, slower state.  I spend more quiet time with my friends and family talking about life and maybe complain about this or that and know that life is too short to be holding anger and hurt and if someone does not want me in their life I do not need to force them.  Age does so much good for a person, of that I am certain.  How comforting it has become to get to the point to realize that life is no longer a race and I can now sit down and take a place in the stands and enjoy those I love.

So for tonight I’ve loaded my car up and I’m leaving the pits and heading out and reflecting on all the fun and joy I found in my race and look forward to what’s ahead.  There may be a race or two left in me but I might just stick to watching from the stands as there is much to see in the calm from there.  I reflect now and realize that in my race my checkered flag came with pride, joy, happiness, and love; pride in fighting my way to where I am today, an incredible amount of joy through the years with my children, happiness with my husband, and such love for my grandchildren.

 

Posted on by Julie Deziel

A Red Geranium

A RED GERANIUMimage

The simple red geranium. The simple red geranium petals can invoke a sense of childlike anticipation; such as going to the lake where I will spend time with my grandparents. Oh the excitement makes me simply giddy and brings about a smile on my face from ear to ear. I can just about feel the freshly cut grass as I run across it and feel the dock give way as I run even faster to ensure a perfect dive from the end of it into the cool lake water. Ah!! It is so cool!  I am instantly feeling devoid of sweat from the long 30 mile drive with my parents and siblings in the full station wagon with the windows rolled down attempting to cool everyone off in the 85 degree heat. I see my mother and grandmother sit in the shade and begin their non-stop chatting (or is it gossip). Their eyes are not far from the shore ensuring each of the children are in sight. We splash and dive and rock each other off the big tractor tubes. My grandpa has cracked a beer and laughs at each of us and waits for us to tire so he can start the grill and we can have our weekly hotdogs and barbecued chicken. We each shiver out of the water and eat and do as our mother tells us, “You must wait an hour after eating before you swim.” So we find an adventure to bide our time waiting for that clock to tick down. Soon those 60 minutes has gone by and off we go into the water and at dusk the after seems warmer.

Those simple geranium petals bring back the laughter of the grandmother who held my hand and my attention as a teen and my ears as a young mother. She had a way with a geranium in the summer season and could get them to bloom in the coldest of winters. She talked to them as if they were her children, so loving and kind. I would believe the plants looked forward to coming in to tend to them just as I looked forward to visiting her or her coming to spend time with me. Be it the lake or sitting on the couch she brought out her bright, loving personality that was hard to turn away from. Her love was genuine. Even though as a child I rushed to the lake to take in the fun and excitement of the lake, it was at my grandmother’s lake home with her red geraniums wrapping around it.

So as I gaze upon a red geranium or hold the petals within my hand I hold so very close to me one very special lady, my grandmother.

 

Posted on by Julie Deziel · 1 Comment

Take A Seat

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“Please take your seat.  The show is about to begin.” Oh how I have waited with much anticipation to hear those words many times over the years.  So off I have gone to find that numbered seat and sat down and waited for the curtain to rise or the band to start with a favorite tune.  I can say for most of those performances it was worth the wait.  As I have aged I find that I should have taken the same perception in my life all these years and simply taken a seat.

If you look at this swing you will note that it is sturdy and appears strong.  It is certainly weathered but the look still is unique.  It has undeniably stood the test of time.  It has withstood extremely strong winds, pelting rains, sweltering heat and has been hidden by snowdrifts.  The seat of the swing it still graciously accepts a person or two.  Even though it looks rough it is welcoming in the shade under the arms of the big old tree it has sat beside all these years.  Sitting there in the early fall evening I can feel the warm sun rays as they were peeking through the woods on my back.  Across the way I see the autumn colors reflected back on the peaceful lake.  The corn field alongside the tree row gives off a red glow along the top as if carpet had been laid.  I can just feel the anticipation of the raccoons waiting for sunset so they can bring home supper from that field of corn.  Quietly the doe brings her two little ones on their nightly walk from the north end of the yard to the lake.  My seat tonight has been front row to immense peace and utter beauty.
In the peace it is easy to look back at the seats I have taken during my life…daughter, mom, sister, wife, and friend.  Each of those seats that I sat in were not always easy and I did not always have shining moments but during those more unpolished times is when I learned the most.  I quietly reflect and find immense joy through my children and now my grandchildren and realize that changing seats is not something I no longer would want to do.  Those seats brought me to where I am and to who I am today.  I am sturdy and most of the time I am strong, but I allow myself the gift of grace to feel weak when I simply cannot be that tough soul.   I am a “little” weathered, definitely unique, and I have stood the test of time.  

At this point in my life I am now going to “take my seat.” The show has begun and I am now enjoying it immensely from the front row.

Posted on by Julie Deziel

A Red Geranium

The simple red geranium. The simple red geranium petals can invoke a sense of childlike anticipation; such as going to the lake where I will spend time with my grandparents. Oh the excitement makes me simply giddy and brings about a smile on my face from ear to ear. I can just about feel the freshly cut grass as I run across it and feel the dock give way as I run even faster to ensure a perfect dive from the end of it into the cool lake water. Ah!! It is so cool and I am instantly feeling devoid of sweat from the long 30 mile drive with my parents and siblings in the full station wagon with the windows rolled down attempting to cool everyone off in the 85 degree heat. I see my mother and grandmother sit in the shade and begin their non-stop chatting (or is it gossip). Their eyes are not far from the shore ensuring each of is in sight. We splash and dive and rock each other off the big tractor tubes. My grandpa has cracked a beer and laughs at each of us and waits for us to tire so he can start the grill and we can have our weekly hotdogs and barbecued chicken. We each shiver out of the water and eat and do as our mother tells us, “You must wait an hour after eating before you swim.” So we find an adventure to bide our time waiting for that clock to tick down. Soon those 60 minutes has gone by and off we go into the water and at dusk the after seems warmer.
Those simple geranium petals bring back the laughter of the grandmother who held my hand and my attention as a teen and my ears as a young mother. She had a way with a geranium in the summer season and could get them to bloom in the coldest of winters. She talked to them as if they were her children, so loving and kind. I would believe the plants looked forward to coming in to tend to them just as I looked forward to visiting her or her coming to spend time with me. Be it the lake or sitting on the couch she brought out her bright, loving personality that was hard to turn away from. Her love was genuine. Even though as a child I rushed to the lake to take in the fun and excitement of the lake, it was at my grandmother’s lake home with her red geraniums wrapping around it.
So as I gaze upon a red geranium or hold the petals within my hand I hold so very close to me one very special lady, my grandmother.

Posted on by Julie Deziel

Fall

A glance across the lake brings on many different feelings; excitement, remorse, and anticipation. I stood there and mainly just took in the beauty of the gift I was given and experienced the serenity of God’s landscape.  A few ducks had slid by so quietly.  I heard cars speeding  by in the distance.  Even the mosquitos tried to invade in on my moment of peace.  Standing there I slipped back to my childhood when the neighbors would head over and it was not so quiet as a football game would be held or splashing along the shore would shoo the ducks off to a nearby field.  My parents would be in the house with my dad watching a show that he would be sleeping through and my mother twisting her hair while reading a book as a load of laundry was spinning in the washing machine.  

This night though in that moment of quiet I felt that bit of excitement for one of my favorite seasons; autumn. A time when God paints some of the most beautiful tapestries for mankind to be awestruck by.  At the same time remorse comes along as summer has gone so fast and colder weather sneaks in and will rattle my older bones.  I can though anticipate celebrating Christmas where the grandchildren’s smiles will beam around the tree and my children beaming at their own children or loving on their nieces and nephews.  My heart fills with more pride as another year goes by as my children age into even more spectacular beings and my grandchildren fill my heart with more love than I ever thought it could hold.  

The time spent taking in all this beauty made my heart swell with an array of emotion; those trees in their splash of color, the mirrored water…God’s painting emotes so much beauty that carries on through to show me in my own simple life to take hold of my own life’s tapestry changes and grasp hold of the anticipation, the excitement, even the remorse.  There is simply so much beauty in life to withhold and hold within my heart.