A black curtain was pulled across our world on August 12, 2020. Our son-in-law passed away from an undiagnosed heart condition while sleeping. How is it that a 32-year-old man who is the best dad and a loving, goofy husband be gone in a literal heartbeat? Darkness settled over a community he loved living in, settled over his firefighter and law enforcement XBox-loving friends, his adoring family and to pull back that dark curtain or crawl out from underneath the heavy darkness shines the reality that Geoff is gone. It sears so deep and sets the pain again and the curtain is much simpler pulled back and the darkness just seems so much more comforting.
Our little world has experienced an extreme amount of loss in a years time…a father, a brother, a grandfather, and now a “son”-in-law. It is difficult to find the so-called “God’s plan” when you seem to be continually grieving. It is difficult to simply grieve when you cannot finish the process of one before you begin the next. Then to be slammed with the sudden loss of a daddy the anger creeps in from behind that curtain and lays on top of the darkness adding more weight to the whole scenario. Where is the answer within sense of the tragedy? Right around the corner I am most certain our world will crumble again. Hope seems to have become a most distant friend as the trials of life have taken control.
How does anyone find their way out of the darkness? Is it possibly with The old adage “time heals?” Sometimes there are circumstances that are ever healed and death is one I believe. I believe that you learn to live with the new normal. It may take time and a lot of grit to be able to pull back the black curtain and the blanket of anger that lays on top of us. Day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute or breath by breath and admitting you are “horrible” and that is okay. Each is lightening the load…hopefully pushing back the next rush of darkness.
There is a song by Disturbed, “The Light” that talks about these same things. (The link to the video is attached).
“An unforgivable tragedy. The answer isn’t where you think you’d find it. Prepare yourself for the reckoning. For when your world seems to crumble again. Don’t be afraid, don’t turn away. You’re the one who can redefine it. Don’t let hope become a memory. Let the shadow permeate your mind and reveal the thoughts that we’re tucked away. So that the door can be opened again. Within your darkest memories lies the answer if your dare to find it. Don’t let hope become a memory.
When you think all is forsaken. Listen to me now. You need never feel broken again. Sometimes darkness can show you the light, beautiful.” (Dan Donegan, David Draiman, Kevin Churko, Mike Wengren)
So for now we will grieve the incredibly hard loss of Geoff and the loss of Isak having his favorite person; his daddy, and Adair losing the love her life. For now we will hide behind the curtain as fellow firefighters who will miss his antics at the fire hall and all his friends he was blessed to have that will remember his goofiness and spirited opinions. As family we will allow ourselves the grace to be angry to know this is not a dream we will not wake up from and have to face every day. We will wait for that “plan” and trust it. For now we will wait for the darkness to show us the light occasionally.
Life As I Live It 