As a 911 dispatcher we are perceived to be strong type-A personality types. We answer that phone by the second ring and make extremely fast decisions in some of the most tragic moments of other’s lives. We attempt to deal with these calls so they do not follow us home. We appear to be strong, a rock; handling it all with ease; nothing can shake us.

My surroundings were thrown into chaos and all the dust around me was stirred up. At times I felt I could not see through the darkness. My world was rocked. It was shook to its core in the last month in that same environment that I feel my strongest while taking calls on another’s worst day. The walls of my life that project a strong, capable woman were shaken so hard that it left a shell of woman that I do not even know. I feel I am lost to who I am and it is scary. I believe I gave power to another person who i have no relationship with seems impossible. To allow another to intimidate and defeat me is almost humiliating.

I am rocked each time they walk into the room…rock me until my heart is beating close to 120 bpm. Rock me until my breathing is deep and fast, until I am sweaty, until the room seems to spin. The core of who I am has forever been changed.

I will bounce back but I will at times relive what was done to me. I will feel those icky feelings of post-traumatic stress. I will have to face the monster who made me feel unsafe regularly. But…I will rock on. I will put on my mask and simply pretend that I am okay because that is what those of us who are strong rocks in our line of work do. It is expected…for a rock is strong. It does not break.

Rock on my friend, rock on.