The kitchen has bright yellow walls and pristine white curtains.  In the center of the room sits a large table with cushioned seats on enough chairs to sit many guests for coffee.  There is a plate of molasses cookies with thick white frosting that were just retrieved from the freezer where they were stored for just this day.  The sun shines through the west windows and creates a room filled with much warmth.  The true rays of sunshine though come from those that sit around the table; a mother, a daughter, a grandmother and a great-granddaughter along with chatter from the living room where the men have taken their respective spots and are sitting and talking about their workweek with the smell of a pipe wafting into the kitchen.

That kitchen is one of my most early memories of family gathering around a table.  I could not help but feel so big and special sitting there with my loved ones as I listened to the women’s stories while eating the best cookie ever.  I was twelve years old when my great-mother Julia passed away and joined my great-grandpa Oscar in heaven.  This ended the time in that warm yellow kitchen even though it had been some time prior since she had entered the nursing home.  This solidified the fact I would not sit with her eating molasses cookies again or around a big table with them and the rest of the family on a Thanksgiving day.  There was an empty chair for a simple morning brunch forever.  Over time more of the chairs around the table very sadly became empty.  The family gatherings went on and the chairs were filled by a young child who had grown up to an age to sit at the big table but the presence of each of those special people that are so loved were and are missed immensely and the emptiness was felt through the memory of a special laugh, luscious pie or thoughtful gift that is cherished and holds a place of honor in the china hutch.  

Along with the clock life moves on.  As I built my own family new traditions and chairs around my table were filled as was my heart with much joy and love.  It was an extra bonus to bring in extended family where we would need additional chairs which was so heartwarming.  I anticipated that one day  my children as adults would gather around it at times when my movements were somewhat slower and some additional wrinkles in my face.  I love the picture in which it would is myself, my daughter, her daughter, and God-willing a great-granddaughter. There may not be molasses cookies but I can provide them with much laughter, freezies, and an occasional caramel roll.  

As my children have aged and have their own families it is not so easy to fill the chairs.  Often times a chair or two is empty now due to the children being too small to sit in them.  Now as they build their own memories with their families and significant other’s families or grandchildren visitation schedules, I am now watching more and more of the chairs becoming empty.  I can only believe that my Grandmother Julia felt that way at a point in life during holiday gatherings as they slowly became a little more lonely each year.  So in my wanting to watch my chldren embrace their new traditions which feels good, it has brought up those feelings I believe each of my grandmother’s and mother felt.  That is what I have always wanted for my children; to build their traditions and I am extremely warmed to that fact.  

One day I will watch from afar cherishing and laughing along with them and wondering when each of the grandchildren grew up so fast.  That day I will be the empty chair.